Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend (lateral & diagonal preferred).

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. In 10 years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Pump iron.

4. Adjust speedo.

5. Pump iron.

6. Check hair in mirror.

Army Ranger Rules:

1. Walk-in 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from "Higher authorities" to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk-out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.

2. Sew patch on right shoulder.

3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"

5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.

6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding; set up new command and assemble assets.

8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.

9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Watch porn.

4. Deploy the Marines.

One day, a Soldier, a Sailor, a Marine, an Airman, and a Coast Guardsman got into an argument about which branch of the service was best. The argumented became so heated, that they didn't realize a truck was coming down the road they were on; and they were all killed.

Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask him, "Which Branch of Service is the best?"

St. Peter replied, "I can't answer that. But, I will ask the Lord what He thinks the next time I see Him."

Some time later the five see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer to their question.

Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the five servicemen:

All the Branches of the Service are "Honorable and Noble." Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.
 
Signed,

GOD
US Army (Ret)

If the enemy is in range, so are you. Incoming fire has the right of way. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. There is always a way. The easy way is always mined. Try to look unimportant, they may be out of ammo. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: When you're ready for them. When you're not ready for them. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you will not be able to get out. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. The blast radius of a grenade is always greater than the distance you can jump. The blast radius of a grenade is greater than the distance the average grunt can throw it When in doubt, shoot it. If you are still in doubt, empty the magazine If at first you don't succeed, call in the artillery And if that doesn't work call for an airstrike Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target This one will be the dud Because of this your mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to prove they armed all the rounds To ensure this, the team always carries extra pins Tracer works both ways If orders can be misunderstood, they have been The quartermaster has only has two sizes, too big and too small Military Language Conversion Chart NAVY / USMC ARMY AIR FORCE Head Latrine Powder Room Rack Bunk Single with ruffle and duvet Mess Deck / Chow Hall Mess Hall / Mess Tent Dining Facility or The Cafe' "Cookie", stew burner Mess Cook Contract Chef Coffee / Mud Cup of Joe Vanilla Skim Latte' Bug Juice Kool-Aid Shirley Temple Utilities / Digitals BDUs / ACUs Casual Wear Seaman / Private Private Bobby / Jimmy Chief / Gunny Sergeant Bob / Jim Captain / Skipper Colonel Robert / James Captain's Mast Article 15 Time Out Berthing / Barracks Barracks Apartment Skivvies / U-Trau Underwear Undies Thrown in the Brig Put in Confinement Grounded Zoom Bag Flight Suit Business Casual Cover / Head Gear Beret Optional Ship's Store / BX PX (PX Trailer) AAFES Shopping Mall TAD TDY PCS with family Cruise / Afloat Deploy Huh? Ground Grabbers Athletic Shoes Flip-Flops Die for your Country Die for your Battle Buddy Die for Air Conditioning Shipmate / Marine Battle Buddy Don't Ask, Don't Tell or Honey Terminate / Kill Take Out Back on Base for Happy Hour Boon Dockers Jump Boots Birkenstocks Low Quarters Low Quarters Patent Leather Pumps Gloves Gloves/Gauntlets Pockets SEAL SF/Ranger Librarian Shore Patrol / MPs MPs Crossing Guard Oouh-Rah! Hoo-ah! Hip-Hip hurray! MRE MRE Happy Meal To Go Salute Salute Wave Obstacle Course Confidence Course Class VI Parking Lot Grinder / Drill Field Parade Field What? Day and Night Fighting Continuous Wartime Ops Back for O-Club Happy Hour at 3:30 Ge-Dunk Snack Bar Chuck E. Cheese PT Test APFT "No conversion available" Dept. of the Navy DoD DoD Lite Midshipman Cadet Debutant Hard-Core Strak "Way Too Serious" Service Talk One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three year lease with an option to buy. News Update: Army Unveils New Award Recognizing the need for an award for troops assigned to headquarters units during combat operations, the Army today announced the approval of the Combat Briefing Badge, or CBB. "People don't realize that being in a major headquarters can be just as stressful as going on patrols or convoys," said MAJ John Remf. "When you're briefing that many General Officers, your career can end in a heartbeat. And it can happen to anyone at any time, not just combat arms soldiers." DOD statistics note that Combat Service Support personnel are more likely to suffer career-ending incidents in rear areas than Combat Arms Soldiers at the front. "This just reflects that reality," said Pentagon spokesman LTC Roger Pogue. The award ranks in precedence below the Combat Infantry Badge and Combat Action Badge, but above the Expert Infantry Badge and the PowerPoint Ranger tab. The criteria for the award is still under discussion, but preliminary guidance authorizes the award for 30 days of continuous briefings of officers at least two grades higher than the briefer without incident while serving in a theater of operations in which the awardee is eligible for hostile fire and hazardous duty pay. Back to Army Stuff.