You Might Be a Gator if . . .

1. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
2. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
3. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
4. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
5. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
6. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
7. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
8. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
9. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
10. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
11. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
12. You have two or three close friends or relatives whose last words on earth were, “Hey, watch this!”
13. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
14. You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
15. Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
16. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
18. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
19. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
20. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
21. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
22. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
23. There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
24. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
25. There is a wasp nest in your living room.
26. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
27. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
28. You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
29. You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
30. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
31. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
32. You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
33. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
34. Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.
35. Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
36. Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
37. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
38. Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
39. You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.
40. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
41. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
42. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
43. In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
44. Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
45. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
46. Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
47. You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
48. Your back porch is bigger than your house.
49. There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
50. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
51. An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
52. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
53. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
54. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
55. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
56. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
57. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
58. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
59. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
60. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
61. You have a rag for a gas cap.
62. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
63. You can spit without opening your mouth.
64. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
65. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
66. You missed your 5th grade graduation.
67. The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
68. Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
69. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
70. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
71. Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
72. Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
73. Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
74. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
75. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
76. The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
77. You haul more than U-Haul.
78. Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
79. There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
80. Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
81. Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
82. Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
83. The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
84. Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
85. You pick your teeth from a catalog.
86. You've ever financed a tattoo.
87. You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
88. Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
89. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
90. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
91. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
92. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
93. You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
94. You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
95. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
96. You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
97. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
98. None of your shirts cover your stomach.
99. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
100. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
101. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
102. You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
103. You own at least 20 baseball hats.
104. You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
105. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
106. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
107. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
108. When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
109. You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
110. Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
111. You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
112. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
113. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
114. Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
115. You've been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado.
116. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.
117. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
118. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
119. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
120. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
121. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
122. Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
123. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
124. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
125. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
126. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
127. Your junior prom offered day care.
128. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
129. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
130. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
131. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
132. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
133. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
134. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.